Mommy here. Well, I went to the doctor today. I weighed 104 lbs on their scale. Doctor said baby sounds great with a heartbeat of 145 bpm. That is much lower than I had expected it would be... it makes me think we will be having another boy! Jude's heartbeat was always around 155 bpm. They say the higher the bpm the more likely it will be a girl and lower is a boy. BUT... Dr. Thornton did mention that the lowest heartbeat she has ever heard... was a girl, so we will have to wait and see! I asked her what she thought I was having, (she guessed Jude right) and she thinks it's another boy! Bryan has been dead set on it being a girl (he was also right with guessing Jude), but now that the doctor thinks boy, he's second guessing himself. Either way, we will be so happy with what our baby is! We get to find out on March 8th! With Jude we had our parents come with us to find out, but this time we are going to do something different to surprise the family... haven't decided for sure what it will be, but we are going to do things a bit differently with this pregnancy. We loved having our family there, but I think it will be special with just the 3 of us too (...or should I say 4!)
I would love another boy! Jude is just the greatest thing I could have ever imagined. Our bond we share is so magical... just thinking about it makes me tear up! I just hope I can spread that love and have the same kind of bond with another boy... I mean, if we were to have a girl I feel like Jude and the girl would understand that a mother/son and mother/daughter relationship is just a little different, so I wouldn't have to feel guilty about doing different things with each of them. But with two boys.... how do you make sure you are being fair to their feelings and their relationship with me?! I've heard it just comes naturally, but I don't know how... How will I have the mother/son bond that I have with Jude.... with a different son?!?!
Then I think about the bond Jude would have with a brother less than 2 years apart.... WOW! How much fun they would have! They would only be a year apart in school (the cut off is Sepember, so Jude will miss the cut off and this baby will make the cut off), so they could have similar friends, maybe classes together in high school, play sports together... and lets hope not fight over the same girl... I hope to be the only girl they need in their lives LOL! (Wishful thinking I know...) I can just see the two of them playing together, laughing, fighting, hugging, building forts..... the list goes on. Jude would LOVE a brother, I have no doubt about that!
But... what if it's a girl? I would just love a girl. I have mentioned in the past that I would be scared to have a girl... dreading the day she'd turn out like ME! I was a spoiled rotten brat... there's no denying that. I had a mouth that got me in trouble, but a huge heart that would show through, sometimes. I cared a lot about people's feelings (sadly the one I left out a lot of times was my mother's... Sorry mom!). I worry if I had a little girl, she would treat me like crap... think I don't know anything, am lame, never was cool like her... that sort of thing. I realize those years are far away... but not really...(Why must time fly by when you become an adult, but when you are young it seems to last forever?!) (I feel like I took the garbage out just yesterday... which is probably why I missed putting it out this morning... Darn it!) I just know how girls can be since I am one... but then I think about how Bryan and Jude will have a lot of fun stuff they will want to do just the two of them... then what will I do?! I am not good at being independent.... I like people around me. (I know there are people who like to go off in a room by themselves and read a book..... I'm not one of them.) I would LOVE to have a girl then that I can take out to get our nails done or go shopping!! (Jude already hates shopping...)
So, whether this baby has a little "something" down below or not.... I will be unbelievably excited and happy... and probably emotional... but in a good way! :D
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